Compassion

Sunita had just come  from Timur, one of the many islands of the Indonesian Archipelago.  She was to work for Margaret who owned a beauty saloon in Kuala Lumpur.  On arrival at Margaret's bungalow in the suburbs of the city, she was given a tour around the house and its compound.  She  could not understand half of what her new employer was telling her.  Most of the time she would smile and Margaret would just rattle on not knowing the young girl of sixteen was almost dozing off as she staggered along behind her.
Finally the session ended and her employer pointed to the bathroom, handing to her a big towel which she understood was that she wanted her to take a bath and as Margaret tugged at her blouse, she also understood that she wanted her to change her clothes as well.  At that moment, the not very smart Sunita could guess her new employer was very fussy about being clean.  At first, Sunita was glad that she could live in such a clean and safe environment.  She had not minded working there because back in Timur, she had to do farming.  She had to toil in the muddy fields under the rain and sun.  Just after her bath, Margaret beckoned her to go into the kitchen.  In the sink were many plates, bowls, glasses and cups to be washed.  When Sunita set to wash the plates, she could see that Margaret was standing beside her to watch.  Just as she was about to put the dish washing liquid on  one of the plates, she heard Margaret shouting at her. No, no.  You don't do it that way.  You are going to waste a lot of my money if you use the dish washing liquid like that.
As Margaret grabbed the bottle of dish washing liquid from her, Sunita could feel a  sharp pain as Margaret's long nails dug into her flesh.  Her new employer was such a rough person.  She was shoved away and Sunita nearly fell.  Margaret was really mad that her new maid could not do the simplest thing right. She was really mad at the maid agency for cheating her.  That was not the first time.  Every time the agency would come out with some clever excuses.  Margaret was upset because she felt hopeless caught in such a situation.  She started to grumble.  I asked for a trained maid and they said they are giving me one.  You call yourself trained?  Who taught you to use the dish washing liquid like that. Don't you know how to dilute it first?  Do you realise how much I am paying for you each day?  So, don't expect me to give you good food to eat.  You are very fortunate to be living in this house.  Back in your village, you are living in a dirty shed. 
After Sunita had done her washing, Margaret told her to eat up the food that was put in a bowl.  It was leftover rice and soup.  Eat up and don't waste.  This soup has a lot of goodness.  Don't think it is poor food that I am giving you.  You will sleep over there.  There is a mat, a pillow and a blanket.  You can use that space in that cupboard to put your things.  Don't mess up the room because sometimes when I have guests over, they will use the room. Until then, I will see where you will sleep.  Margaret did not understand why these maids who had come from such poor countries would not show the least appreciation at all.  All they knew was to rebel once they were being scolded for mistakes made instead of positively improving themselves.  Each time it got worse after they were reprimanded. 


 Poor Sunita!  This is worse than Timur, she thought. Back home, she had more than plain rice and bland soup.  She had a little room to herself in the broken down hut her father had built.  That night Sunita cried herself to sleep.  It is this kind of mentality that made them 'difficult' maids. 


Now, Margaret was not rich all the time.  She, too, had come from a poor family who had lived in a hut and had to go hungry sometimes.  Her parents were always quarelling over money matters.  She had to come out to the city to work when she was sixteen too. She had  good luck for she had met kind people who helped her along the way. Later, she married a rich husband and that was how she gained most of her wealth.  She often compared herself with these young girls who had come from the countryside to the city to work.  They have such bad attitudes.


It is not always the case that if you were impoverished before, you will be able to be more appreciative of a better environment or  situation. There are some people who have such bad attitudes that however better life they were given, there is always a complain or two. A Malay saying that goes like this, "The colour of the hair may be similarly black, but the heart is different' best describe the dissimilarities of individuals.  Every individual has a different attitude towards one same situation.

Poverty Forgotten, God Forsaken

During my last Shanghai trip, my first trip to my parents' homeland, I had the opportunity to converse with a few locals. There was this old couple with two children(one male and the other female) in their thirties.  The four of them shared with me many familiar stories of their past.  They were surprised at how much I knew about their past as I chipped in to add a few details that my father told me about.  Soon, I was accepted as one of them for they could feel how much I could understand them.  They related about the Communist past and the tough times they had gone through.  I was soon welcome to their 'club'.  To show their hospitality, they invited me to eat in their homes and we chatted as we ate.
I was happy that my father's stories had become more real.  The story about how they used to celebrate the Lunar New Year with no new clothes.  It was always the same ones for every New Year until the children had outgrown them. They would not wear the suit of clothes on any other day except for the New Year or any other grand occasion.  It was usually red or had some red colour so that it would bring the real meaning to the festive season.  They did not have any lavish meals .  However, they would be given  something extra in their rations like more rice, candies or waxed meat.  During those days, there was not much jealousy amongst them as all were the same.  No one lived a more comfortable life than another.  The old people were the ones who could compare: they could compare with the pre-Communist days, when some of them had luxurious lives.
It makes me sad to think that nowadays people are  still unsatisfied with so much they possess.  There is always wanting for more and more or for better and better.  I don't know when it is going to stop.  Seems like there is no end.  It is some kind of disease or something.  Is it an evil of consumerism, or is it a propaganda that makes people spend so that the economy will not downturn, and who can guarantee which economic theory will be able to solve the crisis, do the economists know what they are saying.  It all boils down to what  is in one's heart.  Do you really care for another individual while you try to acquire as much wealth as you desire?  Are you able to say that you never try to manipulate another individual so that you are able to get the dollars that you want?  Do they realise the danger if there is such a great disparity in wealth distribution?  Are they so intoxicated with self interests that they are not aware or not sensitive to other peoples' suffering?  Some claim that they are so right in their own faiths, but when it comes to caring, they always point to others.  This and that group people will do the work while I busy myself with accumulating my wealth or with the progress of my children's education or careers.  


There is not going to be any wealth or any career if this world is going to be in a turmoil.  Feed the people with spiritual food and there will be food for all. People with a spiritual life will have a heart for others, for the community, for the country and the world.  There will be a better perspective when leaders implement their policies, be it domestic or international.  Sounds too idealistic.  Nothing is not impossible if you believe in the Almighty who controls everything.  We plan as if we are in control but it is God who determines everything.  Believe it or not, it is still your choice.


Let's 'fast' on food, on new clothes, on window shopping, on TV,on internet and maybe we will realise how much we are missing on what God has intended for us.  You will find that you will not eat for the sake of eating, that you will still look good in the dress that you had been using the twentieth time, that the book you are reading instead of going window shopping is 'helluva' interesting and you wonder why you hadn't spent more time reading,  you will also realise why you feel more energetic than before when you would sit for hours in front of the 'silly' box  and the meaningless chat sessions you had with some of your friends you have never met before.


When we are rich, we are tempted more than when we are poor.  Therefore for those who are rich in material wealth, do not be overwhelmed and for those who are poor, do not be sad.  I prefer to be spiritually rich.

Rubber Plantations and Various Phobia

Some time around 1964, when I was about the age of six, my  father had the fortune to own about sixty acres of land , which were to be cultivated with rubber trees.  My father had wanted to plant rubber trees of a better breed, so he decided to collect seeds from nearby estates which had trees that produced good amount of latex.  Doing this would save him a lot of money because the cost of purchasing the seedlings from the nurseries would have made a big hole in his pocket. However, he would have to take the risk of being prosecuted for trespassing. There  was one estate of which the manager was kind and he trusted my father.  My father had taken the liberty of going there to pick up the fallen rubber seeds.


One early morning I could sense a lot of hustle and bustle in the house.  My eldest sister and mother were wearing 'work clothes', hats, shoes and socks, and gloves too.  My grandma was taking a big straw hat.  In a basket were bottles of drinking water and Chinese tea.  It appeared to me in an instant that they were going to work somewhere.  Mummy, I want to go.  I pleaded, not knowing they were going to bring me after all.  There was no one to babysit me. 
Of course you are going. My brother retorted.  Sleeping like a pig. Do you know how many times I called out to you!
Don't bluff.  I did not hear anything.  And stop calling me a pig!
Alright,alright, stop the squabbling.  Go and wash your face.  Drink up that cup of Milo and eat that piece of bread. You are going with us.  My mother gave me my toothbrush with toothpaste already squeezed on it , and a warm towel , as she told me gently.
Quickly, I got myself ready and as I was about to ask what clothes I should put on, I could hear that my father had already started the engine.  Everybody had got into the car and my brother was threatening to lock up the door if I did not come out quick.  I put on my slippers in a hurry and ran towards my father's car which was  already on the road waiting for me. When I got into the car, I grumbled about not having time to change my clothes.  I was angry that I had to wear my pyjamas.  My brother chided that it was all my own fault.  It would not have been like that had I woken up earlier. 
After travelling in the car for some time, my father decided to stop at a spot.  They hesitated and did not want to get down at that spot.  I heard my mother saying that they had been there before and that there were not many seeds to pick up.  I was all excited to start and was rather disappointed when they said that they were not going to get down there.  I was already feeling very bored by all the travelling in the cramped car.  Not long after that, they really stopped and they got down and separated into different directions so fast that it amazed me.  Finally, I had to tag along with my granny and she gave me a tiny gunny bag to put in my seeds.  I was very proud to be given a new task.  I started to pick up the queer looking rubber seeds. As I picked up one, I would stare at it and then compare its design with another.  I noticed that the design was always the same and the only difference was some seeds were shinier than  the others.  My granny told me to throw away those that had no shine because they were seeds that had been on the ground for a long time but could not grow  into new plants. 
I walked and walked , hopping from one spot to another to pick up the shiny rubber seeds.  I was so engrossed in my work that I did not realised I had wandered away from everybody.  Suddenly I realised that the rubber plantation was too quiet for my liking and I straightened my back to look around.  Where is everybody?  Where is granny? I thought she was right behind me but how could she just leave me without telling me?  I called out to her.  No answer.  I called out to my mother.  No answer.  I would not call out to my sister or brother because I knew that they would surely scold me.  They always thought I was a nuisance.  Suddenly the sounds in the rubber plantations seemed very loud and  I thought I heard baboons crying.  I hated those baboons and I had heard stories about how fierce they were.  A squawking sound from above the rubber trees made me jump up.  I looked up at the trees and they all looked like giants looking down on me. They never looked that evil before.  I was overwhelmed with all kinds of fears: fear for snakes that could come slithering down the trees, fear for poisonous spiders that could spin webs across my face, fear of slimming, squirming earthworms in the soil underneath my feet, fear of iguanas with long lashing tongues.   I was almost crying when I managed to call again in a quivering voice.  Mummy, mummy, where are you? 
No answer. All I could hear was the rustling of the leaves.  Why had everything turned so frightening all of a sudden?  Even the wind seemed very evil and why was it that I had not felt it a moment ago?  Granny?  Is that you?   I walked with hastened footsteps towards the direction where I thought the sound of twigs snapping came from.  Much to my relief, I saw my mother.  However, she was on the other side of a small stream.  Can I go with you?  I pleaded. 
No, just stay there.  I am almost finishing.  Wait there.
No, don't leave me.  I want to go over.  I was terrified of being left alone.
Alright, come over. Cross that fallen tree trunk there. 
I looked at the tree trunk  and I walked towards it.  I could not make myself cross it.  I was scared of falling into the water down there.  I had imagined all kind of water creatures that could live there, all of which I was extremely frightened of.  Gliding water snakes, darting water insects, sticky leeches, and even the clinging water weeds would become alive too.  I cried when I could not cross the 'bridge'. My mother lost her patience.  It was almost lunch time and every one was hungry.  She told me to wait for my sister who would be on her way. My sister came and she ran across the 'bridge' surefootedly.  I just could not understand at that moment why it was an impossible 'feat' for me when Ah Peng and my sister would not have any problem at all.  

Love was Enough

 I was as usual sulking and up to much naught to attract my mother's and granny's attention.  I had messed up some of the empty tins that my mother and granny had collected for making the "sticky gooey glutinous cake' for Chinese New Year.  I took them and made do as cooking utensils in my game of "House" with my imaginary friend. I put sand and leaves into them and pretended to cook in them.


As I was being reprimanded, I saw Ah Peng across my house.  She had walked all the way from her new house with her younger sister.  I could hear her granny yelling at her, scolding her for making the trip there.  I ran out to greet her. Both of us chatted incessantly and at the end of the conversation, it was finalised that I would follow her home later.  My mother permitted me because she did not know when she could have time to bring me there.  She made me promise that I was not to go anywhere except her house.


I was truly happy that day.  As the three of us headed towards Ah Peng's house, we talked , teased and  played with each other.  There was not much traffic those days and it was very safe for us to walk on the roads.  It was a long walk and I half wished that I had not wanted to come.  I kept on asking Ah Peng and her sister whether their house was near yet and they kept pulling my legs.  I was very angry at one point when they played a trick on me.  At a junction, there was a small convenience store at which Ah Peng pulled a trick on me.  She made me believe that it was her father's store and the extended back portion was her  home.  She made me run towards it and because I was so tired , I wanted to quickly find a place to sit down.  When I reached the shop, I saw an unfamiliar scowling face.  The man at the store asked if I wanted to buy something and he looked so fierce that I was too scared to speak.  I could hear the two girls laughing behind me. 


If you make fun of me, I am going to walk home now, by myself.  I don't want ever to come to your house again.  Seeing that I was hurt, the two girls quickly apologised and suggested to race to their house which was within sight.  I was very happy to see it.  Finally we were in the house, panting breathlessly after running up the slope. Don't bother to take off your slippers, Ah Peng said as I was about to remove my slippers.  At that point I realised that the floor was the same as the ground outside except that it was drier, more compact and smoother.  I felt odd because  I would definitely  be scolded by Ah Peng's granny if she ever spotted my dirty feet  when I was in her house .   Ah Peng announced that she was going to cook dinner.  Very cleverly, she measured the amount of rice she needed to cook and she poured into the big pot the measured amount, washed  and then  put  the pot over the fire which she had very quickly made in the very primitive looking stove.  I observed how she had made the fire.  I was full of admiration for her.  It was no wonder my mother used to sing praises of her.  My mum used to say that I could not measure up to her.  She was seven and could do many household chores.  When the pot of rice was boiling, she took out some of the burning wood and put into another hole of the concrete fire place(stove) and over this fire, she placed a wok.  After that she closed with a lid  the pot of rice, which had stopped boiling but instead it was just simmering, and told me that in a while, the rice would be ready.  How clever! I tagged along with her as I observed her ' performing her feats'. The wok was getting hot and Ah Peng summoned me to get seven eggs from the basket nearby.  Quick, quick, she said and I darted to the basket to get the eggs, hoping to be as useful as I could be.  Ah Peng started to fry all seven of the eggs and after they were done, she poured some soy sauce on them. 


The girls announced that they were going to take their baths.  Do I want to follow them?  Where?  I asked.  They brought me to the front of their house and pointed to somewhere below their house.  I saw a pond and a well nearby.  How?  I asked again. They explained and as they did so, they tried to control their giggles.  What?  You mean, I had to bathe there semi-naked.  Out there in the open, where there may be someone passing by any time. No, I said as I surveyed the place and I could see there was always someone walking past the place.  Don't you have a bathroom? Where do your mummy and daddy bathe?  Oh yes, of course we have one but it is so troublesome to carry water in the pail and climb up here.  Sorry, I am not going to bathe there.  It is okay, I will bathe when I get home.  Just as I said that, Ah Peng's mother came in and she was happy to see me.  Oh , no, how can you go to bed without taking a bath?  Ah Peng, go and carry a pail of water for your friend and put it in the bathroom. 
Ah Peng obeyed her mother.  She took a big pail and went down to the well.  I saw her taking water from the well and filling up the big pail with water.  She was a genius, and what really moved me that day was Ah Peng carried that heavy pail of water from all the way down there to the bathroom.  At some points she almost slipped and fell but tough as she was, she just laughed it off.  I felt so uneasy to see her struggle with that pail of water.  As I washed myself with the water Ah Peng had carried for me, I felt so sorry for Ah Peng.  I never had to do such difficult tasks and even though the water was very cold, I did not dare breathe a word about it.


While I was having my bath in the makeshift bathroom which had a lot of gaps and holes, I could hear the two girls squealing and laughing from the well.  They seemed to be having a lot of fun.  When I was dressed into one of Ah Peng's pyjamas, there was laughter again and the other siblings who were back from work or neighbours' houses  were already busy preparing themselves for dinner.  Ah Peng's brother was getting the kerosene lamp ready and her mother was busy cooking some more dishes.  She was happy that Ah Peng had got the rice cooked and the eggs fried.  I saw on the table that Ah Peng had prepared my bowl of rice and her mother told us to start eating.  Though the dishes were simple, consisting of fried eggs, fried long beans and fried 'choy sam', it was the most delicious meal I ever had.  After dinner, we sat on the mats laid on the floor.  Now and then, I could see a gecko or two running across the floor but I tried not to show my fear of the animals.  There was also the croaking of frogs in full gusto from the pond down the slope and the sound was so loud that night that Ah Peng's mother was very sure that it was going to rain.  True enough, it rained cats and dogs that night.  Ah Peng and her siblings ran to the kitchen all together as if cast by a spell.  I was baffled but soon realised that they were running to get some pots and pans to collect water that was dripping from certain parts of the roof.  Soon, there was an orchestra producing the strangest piece of music I had ever heard.  Very tactfully, I sat down without making a fuss, hoping they had not noticed my very surprised look. 
We proceeded to play a game of 'Shadows'.  We used our fingers and hands to form shapes of animals-the usual dog, rabbit, bird or snake shapes, laughing hysterically as we played.  Ah Peng's mother had to tell us to lower our voices .  All of us had to almost shout when we talked to each other because of the loud noise the zinc roofs made as the rain beat down on them. I noticed Ah Peng's father and two elder brothers were not back yet.  Ah Peng told me that they had to work outstation and would be back only at the end of the week.  We were told not to drink too much water before we went to sleep.  Nobody liked getting up in the middle of the dark night to go to the toilet.  It was pitch black outside.  Everybody had to go to bed early.  We continued to talk as we laid on the bed and before long, one after another fell asleep in the quietness and darkness.

Loneliness

The worst experience that I had when I was a child of five or six years was when I had to stay at home with adults only, who would not bother to entertain you but just shooed you away like you were a 'pest' of some sort.  It was an agony when you had to walk up and down the aisle of the old fashioned house of a Chinese immigrant, pretending you had an imaginary friend to accompany you as you did that,' playing with' (actually it was leaning on) the thick cardboard partitions that divided the house into cubicles called 'bedrooms'. (I had caused one of them to collapse, much to the annoyance of my mother.)  Sometimes I would mumble to my 'friend', in various tones depending on what mood I was pretending to be at that time. I would be so preoccupied with my 'friend' that I would not hear or notice the others around me sometimes.  I would be scolded for knocking into the very busy adults or could not hear them when they asked for help.
It was a period when every family in the neighbourhood was in a competition called 'Shifting House'.  It had seemed like every one was moving away and Ah Peng was one of them.  I was broken hearted when I knew about it and Ah Peng had grown so 'remote'.  Each time when I saw her at the corner of my eyes, I could see that she did not bother to look over at my house, what more to drop by to say 'hello'.  I was indeed very sad and I did not understand why she had acted like that.  Many years later, she told me that her family was going through a 'crisis' and had to move out of her granny's house.  The 'crisis' was that her youngest uncle was going to marry and her granny wanted her father to shift to their own house as their family was getting too big.  Ah Peng had seven siblings.  She was the fourth in the family.  Her father had long ago got himself a piece of land but had not the money to build the house.  Then, he and his wife had to work doubly hard to save the money to build it.  Being the eldest son, it was very hard on him especially when he had so many children.


My feelings were all mixed up then.  I was sad and at the same time, I was jealous too.  Why, mummy, why aren't we moving house too?  I was jealous that Ah Lui and Ah Peng were going to be neighbours in their new houses.  And those two brothers down the lane were going there too.  There was much excitement as they talked about their new neighbourhood.  I felt left out and when my brother came home with tales about the new neighbourhood , it made me even more curious.  I demanded that my mother bring there immediately.  No, dear, it is not within walking distance.  Wait, wait till Ah Peng's mother invite us and we can go there for tea.  We can't just go like that.  They will think I am just being a busybody! Remember don't over stay, and  say 'No' when they ask you to stay overnight. Why can't I stay overnight?  Because you will not get used to staying there.  There is no tap water and  no electricity.  You have to go to a well to get  water for your bath  and you can't do that. You don't know how.
That made me yearn even more.  I wanted so badly to go to Ah Peng's house.  Day in and day out I was thinking of all kinds of ways to get there.  I had a rough idea where it was  situated,according to my brother's description.  I had imagined myself walking down this road and that road, and I had even imagined myself reaching Ah Peng's house.  Ah Peng was at the door of her house(the house of my own imagination , based on my brother's description) and she was happy to show me her bathroom, the well and everything.

Uncertainty

News that the Japanese were near, brought terror and everyone's face was down fallen that morning. The radio announced that Southern IndoChina was being taken over , and very quickly ,people were already at Ah Hia's provision shop queueing up to buy rice, canned food and other dry foodstuffs. Ah Hia's wife and his eldest son, who were rarely seen at the shop , were busy that morning helping out. There was much haggling as prices of commodities had gone up. Stocks were also running out and as a result, there was much pushing and shoving around. Ah Hia's wife, in a shrill voice, reprimanded some of the men as if she was a headmistress scolding a bunch of naughty boys. She threatened not to sell them a single item if they did not wait for their turns and sheepishly, those grown-ups lined up in an instant, one behind another.

Sang's wife and mother were indeed thankful that they had the cash to get what they needed. They did not buy very much though as they were still uncertain about many things. The last time they left China had them giving away many things they could not bring along with them. As Berapit Village was far away from Penang , the possible entry point if there was to be an invasion, they felt somehow safer but nobody could exactly tell what was going to happen at that moment.

Sang's mother prayed that they would not have to move away. Even if food supplies had run dry, she could still rely on the tapioca, sweet potatoes or vegetables that she had planted on the plot beside her house. She had specifically instructed her daughter-in-law to cook sweet potatoes together with the rice so as the rice could be eaten for a longer period. They were afraid that one day they would have no more rice to eat. True enough, when the Japanese made their way into Malaya through Kota Bahru and then Penang, the country was in a state of emergency. Even one who had swaps of money could not buy anything without having to go into much trouble,  as most shops were closed for business. The only way was to buy from someone who was willing to sell at a very high price. An enterprising man made lots of money hoarding foodstuffs and selling them later at exorbitant prices. However, his wealth soon vanished as the Japanese invaded his house and took all the British notes away, only to turn them into ashes! It was later discovered that his life was also taken that very day.

Now, rice cooked with sweet potatoes was often cooked even after the war. It was at first queer to eat rice in this manner and Sang's younger brothers refused to down the porridge with the sweet potatoes in it. After a few meals of going hungry because of their stubborness, they finally had to give in. Not long, they had developed the taste for it and had grown to love it very much. After the war, they would often request rice to be cooked this way!
　

Japanese Invasion

The year was 1937 and at that time, newcomers from Southern China often brought tragic news of what was happening in the Northern region especially Manchuria. Suddenly, the other states located in the south became more populated with the northerners. Scraping for a living was already hard and now they had to share a piece their cake with the notherners. Fights, quarrels and a lot of bullying by locals towards the newcomers were often seen. The well-built and stronger northerners were not to be intimidated. Situation back in mainland China was really bad and that was why more and more left to come to Malaya, Borneo or Indonesia.

News of the invasion of Nanjing by Japanese soldiers were on everyone's lips. Sang's mother was using the rosary more than usual. Her eyes had the distant look and his young wife was not any better. Apparently she was in such a daze that many times he saw her walking in and out of the house forgetting this and that. At one time she even added salt to his cup of coffee.
Yes, every Chinese man and woman who had members of the family in China was worried. Some of them had already started to come over. The other day Sang saw some fresh faces from Penang island and they must have just disembarked from the junk from Canton. They were still wearing the familiar looking attire worn by the mainland Chinese. They, like Sang and his family, had taken the cheaper goods junk to travel to Malaya. They all stayed at the lower level of the ship where bags of rice and other dry stuffs from China were kept. All the men, women and children stayed together. They did not stay in separate cabins, only the crew and the captain did. The only difference was Sang's father and his family had run away from Communist rule.
A few years passed by with news that did not get any better.The massacre of Nanjing was still in every one's mind. The atrocities of the Japanese done towards the Chinese rang horror in every Chinese ear. There were speculations of the Japanese intentions to invade Singapura and Malaya as well. It was bad news. Sang's business was at the point of improving day by day, and now, this had to happen. As if with intuition that they might not live long, many Chinese were more willing to spend a little money to buy pork. Better enjoy now than to be killed and die hungry. Not wanting to be a 'hungry ghost' was the joke amidst hard times like this.
　

The Pork Seller

The sun is setting and the long shadows of the rubber trees that lined both sides of the metalled road gave shade that he no longer needed.  He must be turning back, or else he would reached home past midnight. Sang pressed the dynamo against the front wheel and prepared for his journey back.  He would have to pedal faster because  the distance to his wooden hut  had become further.  Fortunately, the load in the basket at the back had grown lighter.  Little was left of the pig he bought from the abbatoir this morning.  He kept a pig's leg for his family.  He was quite happy at the day's sale, although he had to cycle to almost a dozen small villages  and altogether he must have cycled more than forty miles that day.
He learnt a lot from the first attempt.  He learnt that some villages would be better off if avoided because the villagers could not afford and he would not  accept any form of credit. The people who could afford were those small traders in the shops, small plantation holders or the Chinese auntie whose husband was a government servant.  He was confident he could do better if he kept on sweet talking  the housewives who bought from him.

He must had raced through acres and acres of rubber plantations, and as the miles and miles of metalled road went under the bicycle's wheels, he felt better because he knew soon it would be his home in sight. Alas, he saw the light from the kerosene lamp shining through the front window of a familiar looking hut ahead. He could see the silhouette of his wife's slim figure moving towards the front door.  He saw the puzzled expression on her face.  He muttered to her about something in the basket and she went to the bicycle to find out.  She found the empty lunch box and the pig's leg wrapped in newspaper.  She emptied the basket of the remaining strings and newspapers, and brought them into the house. Then, she went out again to push in the bicycle for she did not want it to be stolen.  Now, she understood why her husband had not been back since dawn. 
She prepared a warm water bath while her husband sat to rest his legs.  She could see that her husband took a long time to be seated.  What had happened?  Did you hurt your bones? Why are you so stiff?  Cycling for more than twenty miles?  Why?  To finish selling the pork?Why don't you start with half a pig first?  You better not go tomorrow.  Business will taken by others?
They whispered as they exchanged the day's news.  The two younger boys and the older lady were fast asleep.  As Sang bathed, his wife diligently salted the pork and steamed it for the next day's cooking.  Sang wanted her to cook braised pig 's trotter.  His wife poured him a small cup of Chinese rice wine.  It would help his blood circulation and alleviate his body aches and pains.  Before going to sleep, his wife massaged his legs with ointment because he could not squat all the way down to pass motion.  He had to squat half way down.  He had to take a rest the next day! No doubt about it, he muttered under his breath as his wife rubbed the ointment hard on to his calf muscles.

Where there's a Will, There's a Way

The wooden bed was harder than usual that night.  He had not felt it that way before.  He  could not sleep because his mind was continuously thinking of all the different ways in which he  could rake in some money to feed his mother, two younger brothers and a young wife.  The warmth of his wife's body against his had been therapeutic last night because at the break of morning , he seemed to be replenished with a new zest of life.  He had told his wife to cook some food for him to bring on a long journey.
He set off on his bicycle and with his lunch box, breathing nothing to his mother.  He had just told his wife vaguely that he would be off to start a new business and would be back as soon as possible. 
As he cycled to the slaughter house, thoughts of doubt and uncertainty raced across his mind. What if I could not even finish selling  half of the pig?  What am I to do with the unsold pork?  What if, and before his mind tries to drag him back and slacken his pace, he heard a familiar voice shouting his name.  "Sang, how about today again at you know where?"
"Sorry, no.  I have something to do.  Important,seriously!" He was surprised at his own answer.
He had to start something.  He had to earn to keep the family together. The thought of his mother remarrying and of all the men,that Uncle Kong, nauseates him a great deal. No, I must not let it happen.  He bit his lips hard as he forced himself quickly towards the slaughter house.
The man at the abbatoir was ready to hand over his order.  A fairly good sized pig.  Not too fat and a good amount of lean meat.  That would make an easier sale, he thought.
He cycled off to get some strings at the wet market and asked the shopkeeper to give him some newspapers for free. The shopkeeper was kind because he knew Sang was a first timer as he had never seen him before. What a good start for the day, Sang thought.
That boosted his confidence and he cycled bravely towards a Chinese village not very far away.  He cycled fast because he wanted to be the first pork seller there that morning.

A New Wife, A Heavier Shoulder

His mother despised the way he had lost his hard earned money at the gambling dens.  Hoping to strike it rich, instead he landed himself in an even deeper rut, never able to jump out of it.  Utterly sickened by her son's insensitivity to the hardship the rest of the family was going through, she wailed as she lamented on her fate.  Widowed at the age of just over forty-five, she had hoped her twenty- seven year old son would take charge of the family now, after getting him  married recently to a young girl from her homeland in Guangzhou.

On seeing that there was no reply from the son except for a grunt as he laid there on the hard bed dozing off, she resorted to her 'lethal  weaponry', definitely effective as assured by her closest of friends.  Her new daughter-in-law was away in the kitchen to get warm water  to  clean her husband's feet.  Quickly, she blurted  out what was in her mind all that day.  "Sang, if you think that taking care of this family is such a big deal, I will just have to think of another way.  Uncle Kong had had on many occasions  extended his help and wanted me to join his family.  He needed a woman to take care of his family after Auntie Kong left this world  last year. He is still waiting for my answer."

It was  complete silence for a while. Even the kitchen was as quiet as a cemetery.  Sang's wife must have heard all that had been transpired and must have been too shocked or stunned for she did not come out with the warm water.  Then, the once motionless body stirred, tossed violently to the right and then to the left, as if showing his indignance to what his mother had just said.  Suddenly, there was a loud growl which made everyone jumped.  Ah Ong, Sang's youngest seven year old brother, cried as he knew something bad was going to happen.  It was the first time he saw his much adored brother acting this way.  "Why, why are you acting like that? Are you mad?"  scolded the elderly lady as she pacified her  youngest son.  "Look what you have done to your little brother!"


The body on the hard wooden bed laid still again. There was no more sound.  As the hour was quite late, his mother retired to her own bedroom, coaxing the younger boy to stop crying and promising him something the next day.  The young wife came out after the commotion died down, pretending not to have heard anything.  After wiping her husband's feet clean, she too climbed up on to the wooden bed to sleep beside him.  Soon, there was almost complete silence in the hut except for the smacking sound from the geckos and the distant songs of the frogs.

The 'Jade' Mattress

Sheera was overjoyed. Her eldest sister, Nadzirah, was going to bring her shopping at Lot 10.

Nadzirah has just got some money banked into her account, an excess of four thousand ringgit from the amount required to finance her 3-year diploma course at a public university. This amount is supposed to be used for her living expenses, but Nadzirah planned to use some of it to buy a few clothes for herself and her favourite sister.

Happily, both of them announced to their mother about their intention. Their mother had no intention on her part to pour cold water on their shoulders because as it was, she had always felt guilty of depriving them of their father's love. She had been divorced from their father when Puteri, the youngest, was only two months old. It was a love triangle since the beginning of their love affair and their mother was the one to officially marry him when she found that she was pregnant with Nadzirah.

Lot 10, at noon that Saturday, as usual, was already crowded with people, mostly teenagers and those in their twenties. Both sisters had spent the whole morning dressing up because they felt happy if they were dressed like most of the others at Lot 10. They wore the latest fashion and their usually hidden dyed golden hair gave them such a unique look that you would not know that they were actually secondary school children. Smelling like flowers, Nadzirah and Sheera found 'heaven' breezing through the boutiques they were so familiar with. They were considered regular customers in a few of them.

After buying a few blouses which had 70% discount, both of them decided to call it a day before they lost control themselves. Fortunately, they were smart enough to exercise some self control. As they were making their way to the Macdonald's nearby, they were confronted by two Chinese salespersons, one male and the other female. They looked young, more like college students doing part time work. Nadzirah was asked to pick a coupon out of a stack held by the young man. Much to her surprise, she had picked the one that offered her a new Proton Saga car with a down payment of only two thousand ringgit. She was told that after paying that amount she could drive home the car. Moreover, she would also be getting some electrical items and a 'Jade' mattress of a quality verbally guaranteed by the two excited salespersons. Sheera squealed in excitement. No more would she have to beg her mother to drive her to wherever she wanted. Her eldest sister would do the job.

Nadzirah asked if she had to pay in cash. Yes , they would prefer cash and if Nadzirah wanted the car that day itself, she would have to pay in that mode. However, Nadzirah would have to go with them to their office to do the processing. The young man convinced Nadzirah that they had a car in the shop ready for possession. Thinking that they would give their mother a big surprise, they decided not to call her to ask for advice.

 Both followed the man and they took a taxi. Soon they came to Sri Kembangan and they stopped in front of a row of shops. Not many shops were opened that day and it looked quite isolated. They were ushered to a shop which did not look impressive at all. They could not see the car. Feeling nervous, Nadzirah questioned about the car and was told that it was in the store, a few shops away. She was told to fill up a form and to sign some papers. After that, the man took her to the nearest ATM machine to withdraw the two thousand rinngit and Nadzirah was made to promise to pay an extra two hundred for processing fees.

Back at the office, they apologised that they could not release the car yet because Nadzirah was needed to pay for insurance and road tax first before she could drive the car home. That came to another two thousand ringgit or so. Nadzirah wanted to cancel the purchase because she thought she had only to pay two thousand ringgit. They laughed at her , saying that it was her mistake to think that she need not pay for insurance or road tax. If she wanted to cancel she had to wait until the next day because the boss had just left the office with the money.

 Both Sheera and Nadzirah took a taxi home. They had to think of a way to ask their mother to give them another two thousand ringgit to get the car. They wanted the car badly and they had thought it was their good luck that they could get it so cheap.

The next day, the 'Jade' mattress and the electrical items(a double boiler and a pressure cooker of an unknown brand) came and the transporter left after they signed the delivery note, not cooperating with them when they asked him a few questions. Their mother asked what was going on. They had to let the cat out of the bag. To their dismay, their mother told them that they had been conned and it took them a while before they were convinced.

They called and called the Sri Kembangan office for the next two days but there was no answer. Their mother went with them to the shop but they only found a closed shop. When they asked around, nobody knew anything about them. Their search came to a dead end. Finally they decided to report to the police. They learnt that there were many similar cases. They were angry as well as shocked that this was allowed to happen.

The Lady in Pyjamas and Hair Curlers

A newcomer in the form of a sophisticated lady with lacquered nails and a made-up face, shifted into the house a few doors away from mine, and for some time, I could see a few women in the neighbourhood mysteriously gathering in the midst of their household chores to discuss or rather gossip about her.  I had a few glimpses of her when I walked past her house while I was running errands for my mum or grandma.  She was hardly seen outside her house and most of the time her front door was kept half opened.

  Nine out ten times that I saw her, she was still clad in her pyjamas and her hair still in curlers though the midday sun was already high above our heads.  Her face always had make up on when I saw her.  Her lips would be painted the brightest red, almost like scarlet, which made them looked even thicker, and that made many of the other women say unpleasant things behind her back.  I would see them bending and rocking their bodies as they guffawed. What is so funny about thick red lips, I used to wonder.  I could not understand what they were laughing about.  Later, I realised it was not how she looked because she really looked very attractive,  but it was the way she purposely did things to attract the opposite sex.  A few men in the neighbourhood were so ‘mesmerised’ by her that their wives literally had to pinch their ears for ogling.

One day, I chanced to see a girl of my age coming out from the newcomer’s house.  She was a  pretty girl.  She had long straight hair, the longest hair I had ever seen.  From that day on, I vowed that I would never have my hair cut short.  I wanted to have long hair like hers.  She smiled at me but did not make an attempt to speak to me.  Not the type to break the ice, I merely waved my little hand to her and smiled.  She went in quickly when a voice summoned her, so quickly that I could not even have time to open my mouth to say anything. I was later told that she was the daughter of the much talked about lady.

A few days had passed and most of the things that happened concerning the newcomer did not slipped the attention of the other women in the neighbourhood.  One late evening, a big impressive looking car was seen parked in front of her house. Its engine was running and a smart looking man came out.  Not long after that, the lady came out dressed in the most stunning attire I had ever seen and I could see the eyes of the other women nearly popped out of their heads.  The newcomer was going to work in a bar not far away.  It was newly opened in one of the shop-houses. 

Just after dinner, when everybody came out of their houses to chat and enjoy the cool night air, Sam Koo, who was the newcomer’s next door neighbour, walked all the way from her house to carry some of her tales.  She had such a funny way of relating her stories that hilarious laughter could be heard from the group of ladies listening intently to her.  Now and then, I could see her getting up on her feet to demonstrate some movements, which I learnt later that they were actually dance steps of the newcomer whom Sam Koo saw while she was practising them at home.

A few months after the newcomer had shifted into the neighbourhood, I became friends with Ah Eng who was her daughter.  She went to the same primary school that I was attending.  She was quite polite and hardworking too.  I could see that she had very neat school work.  As days went by, our friendship blossomed and I felt very bad when the other women gossiped behind her mother’s back.  I used to purposely interrupt their conversation by giving them a false alarm.  Sometimes I would just say the water had been boiling in their kitchen or someone’s child had just awakened from the hammock or something like that.  Of course, as time went by, the other women also found out about Ah Eng and how well she performed at school.  That shut their mouths a little.

 

The Fish Pond, the Stench and the Wrath of a Farmer

The hot sun was heating up the zinc roofs of our houses so much that it was hard for us to stay indoors in the afternoon. The wind was blowing gently outside and the temperature was much lower. After lunch, my brother and Ah Peng’s two elder brothers decided to go to the farm not very far away from our houses to catch butterflies.  There were many at the lotus pond near the pig sties. The butterflies often came out at this time of the day.

So, it was decided and that if Ah Peng , her two younger sisters and I were to tag along, we must walk hand in hand.  We were to obey their instructions and not to cry.  We agreed eagerly and were excited to start.  As we headed towards the farm, we were joined by another two boys who lived down the street.  They were about my age and I had never spoken to them before but they were my brother’s friends.  The first part of the journey to the farm was fun.  We talked and laughed as we walked.  The nearer we were to the farm, the faster the pace of the older boys.  They were running after the butterflies, trying to catch them and forgetting about us.  We had to quicken our pace and soon we were no more holding hands but moving at different speeds. 

I was the last in the line.  I was not a good walker due to my plump body and extra weight.  Everyone had gone ahead of me and was enjoying the sights. I could hear them shrieking in laughter and someone was exclaiming in surprise of having caught a fish.  I dragged my heavy body towards the pond and by the time I reached it, I was hot and panting. What was left was a muddy pond; the other children had scooped the water to catch the fishes and poured back again, stirring up all the mud from the bottom. They had just left, and I was left behind, staring after them.  Where is the fish, I demanded to know, but they were too busy running off to look at the pigs to answer me.  Oh, the lotus is beautiful, I thought.  I tried to use the farmer’s scoop to pull the plant a little closer so that I could get my hands on it but to no avail.  The scoop was too heavy for me.  I shouted to my brother to help me but he was nowhere to be seen.

Unwillingly, I left the pond with no fish to see. I rushed off to join the rest at the pig sties. As I went nearer, I could smell the awful stench.  I started to complain and would not want to join them.  I hated it when the others seemed to be enjoying themselves so much.  They were laughing hilariously.  That made me wonder what was going on but I refused to go any nearer to the filthy, smelly sties. What they did at the sties made the pigs squealing so much that the farmer’s dogs started to bark.  The farmer came out of his house which was quite a distance away. From there, he could see us.  He shouted at us and was about to ride his bicycle over when we all left the place running as fast as our legs could carry us.

Ah Peng and her younger sisters took off their large slippers so that they could run faster.  I would not want to go bare footed because I was squeamish about the muddy path.  I had to trudge slowly behind them.  Not long after that, the rest of the group could not be seen and I was left alone.  I was getting angry with Ah Peng and everybody else.  I was indignant about the whole thing and thinking about it made me cry.  As I walked on home, I cried.  Halfway, I was almost scared out of my wits when something landed on top of my head.  It jumped down to the ground and flew away as I screamed and bent my head.  I thought I saw a monitor lizard. 

Back home, I complained to my mother about my brother for not having taken good care of me and that he had ran off leaving me behind to face the crazy barking dogs and the very angry farmer.

Fake Stamps for Genuine

After the incident of my brother’s trickery, my mother’s words were soon forgotten.  My brother had gone back to his old ways of taking advantage of others.  This time it had to do with the girl next door.  She was a year younger than me and her name was “Ah Lu”.  Normally, she would be indoors and would hardly come out, not even to the veranda which was connected to ours but separated by a wooden barricade. Both of our houses were built by my father and they formed a single storey semidetached type of house.  We used one unit while the other was sold later on to Ah Lu’s father when my father had financial difficulties.  It was supposedly built for my youngest uncle who was my father’s youngest brother, to live in when he settled down. 

Ah Lu, being the youngest in the family would usually feel very lonely at home when her elder sisters and brothers went out to work or to school.  One afternoon, when I was playing with her at the veranda, she took out her collection of stamps to show to me.  They must have been her elder sisters’ or brothers’ because I did not see how she could have collected so many. They were neatly kept in stamp albums and I had never seen such collections before.  Just then, my brother came out and he saw what we were doing.  Knowing that he was not popular with Ah Lu or any member of her family, he did not come near for fear of being caught by Ah Lu’s mother who did not like him at all.

A few minutes after he had gone into the house, I was summoned to go in.  Wondering what the matter was, I went in to investigate.  Much to my surprise, he requested to have a look at the collections of stamps.  After much persuasion and also after being sweet talked, I went out to ask Ah Lu if my brother could have a look at her very unusual collections.  Feeling happy that my brother commented how special and priceless her collections were, she allowed him to have a look.  But my brother would not come out as he was afraid of Ah Lu’s mother.  In the end Ah Lu allowed the albums to be brought into our house.

My brother was all excited when he got his hands on the albums.  Much to my dismay, he started removing some of them from the albums.  What do you think you are doing, I asked. He hushed me and called me a ‘silly’.  Why, he said, these are rare collections and she would not know if some of them are missing, he whispered.  No, you cannot do this, I snapped at him, but he refused to give back the stamps he had taken. He ran away quickly.  I had to give Ah Lu the stamps back but short of the ones my brother had removed.  Instead, some large and colourful stamps, mostly fake ones were replaced after second thoughts.

That very evening, one of Ah Lu’s sisters came over to our house and complained to my mother about my brother.  She told my mother that my elder brother had stolen her stamps.  My father had just come back from work and he overheard the conversation.  My father was unhappy that my brother had stolen and nagged at my mother.  He complained that my mother had not been keeping a close eye on my brother.  That was like adding salt to wound.  My mother was even angrier then and she had her cane ready, waiting for my brother to walk into the house.

Just then, his whistling could be heard and my heart started to thump so hard that I thought it was going to explode.  I tried to signal to my brother about the cane that my mother was holding but he was too busy whistling the same tune he was whistling the past few weeks.  As quick as lightning, the cane came down sharply on his thighs.  Although he dodged, the cane still managed to bite into the raw flesh of his thighs and soon two red marks, one on each thigh could be seen. I could see that he was wincing.  At first, he was quiet but when my mother’s cane swished down on his thighs again, the pain must have very unbearable and this time, he howled so loudly that I thought my heart had come out through my mouth.  He yelled and howled, and for the first time I saw him shed tears.  I felt so sympathetic towards him that I cried and begged my mother to stop.  Wondering what the commotion was, my grandma came to his rescue.  My utterly heartbroken mother stopped immediately for she did not want the aged lady to fret too much.

That evening, everybody had no appetite to eat dinner except me.  I was left to eat a bigger portion.  I needed replenishment for the energy expended and I did not see any good sense in letting such matters bother me too long. 




 Everything is governed by laws of nature, no matter how humans try to 'unnaturalise' them. Such a simple thing as a mother exercising her human intervention on another human to do moral good.  It is as natural as she breastfeeding him during infancy.  What is not natural is ignoring your hunger pangs!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

For a few days I dared not approach my mother about buying a frock like the one ‘so and so’ had worn.  One fine day, I was told to go home from Ah Peng’s house because my mother had something for me. Having forgotten about the frock that I wanted so badly, I had actually refused to go home, thinking my mother would not have anything interesting to give me except for a few coconut sweets.  Usual stuff, I thought to myself.  My mother was shouting from across the road and it baffled me very much.  What can it be and why is my mother acting so strangely, I queried aloud.  I rushed off home with Ah Peng tagging behind me to find out what my mother had in store for me.

As I reached the front door of my house, I saw my mother holding a pink frock.  Oh my! I could not believe my eyes!  My mother had bought it without telling me.  Quickly, I undressed so that my mother could put on the new dress for me.  The chiffon frock was poky and I fidgeted as my mother tried to put it on for me.  It was just big enough to fit me and my mother had underestimated the size of my body. It would be better if it was larger so that I could at least wear it for another year or so.

  But I could not wait for another day, could not wait for it to be exchanged for a bigger one and insisted on wearing it at that instant.  Seeing that I could not be coaxed, and feeling too embarrassed about going back to the shop again, my mother eventually allowed me to wear it. Ah Peng was excited as well and she waited eagerly as my mother pulled up the zip behind me.  Suddenly, the zip bit into my skin and I gave a shriek.  I was mad at my mother for hurting me and for being very clumsy with the zip.  She was not very good with the zip because all our clothes had no zips!  My mum used press studs or buttons to secure any openings in her blouses and the children’s dresses were purposely made with broad enough neck holes so that they could just slip them over their heads. Zips were unnecessary and that could save on costs too.

After I had my new pink frock on, I ran out to show off to my neighbours.  Hoping to win a few praises, I paraded down the lane with Ah Peng.  The frock was extremely uncomfortable as the stiff chiffon kept on scratching my skin.  The hot afternoon did not help either. Soon I began to feel irritated by the dress.  To make things worse, nobody seemed to notice me and the few who saw me did not even make a single comment about my new dress.  I was disappointed at their behaviour. I was also angry because I thought that if it was ‘so and so’ they would be very generous in giving compliments. Nobody was impressed at how I looked.  Years later, I learnt to accept the fact that I was no natural beauty and that some are born to be exceptionally beautiful. I would just have to accept the reality that if it was only the dress that won praises and not the wearer, I would have to be graceful about it.

Feeling dejected, I went straight home to have the chiffon frock changed into my cotton dress with large sunflower prints.  It was my favourite dress because it did not make feel hot and it gave me much freedom.  I could jump, run, or sit anywhere while wearing it. As I grew older, i learnt that being happy with what one has is true happiness.

A Parakeet, a Broken Tail and Trickery(continuation)

The next thing my distraught brother did was even stranger. Instead of putting the bird back to the cage, he took some tapioca flour to make some starch.  He used the sticky starch to stick back the tail, much to the annoyance of the struggling and squawking bird.  Then, he left the house in a hurry, warning me not to tell my mother about what he had just done.

Later that evening, a Malay boy mysteriously appeared at my house asking for my brother.  Nobody understood very much what he said but at the mention of my brother’s name, we knew it had something to do with him.  He was holding the same parakeet that my brother had that afternoon! 


 I could recognise it by its broken tail.  He sounded very angry.  On seeing that we could not produce the person he wanted, he left the house shouting something that I knew could not mean anything good.


  Just as the Malay boy cycled away in his bicycle, my brother appeared behind me.  He whispered to me that if he ever came again, I must tell him that he did not live there.  I demanded to know the reason and my brother waved three dollars at my face.  What is that, I asked.  Incidentally, that was the money from the sale of the parakeet.  He chuckled as he related how he tricked the boy by selling him the parakeet with a broken tail.  If he had not stuck the tail back, the deal could not have materialised.  Who would want to buy a parakeet with a broken tail, he remarked.

I did not like it at all.  I did not like the way he tricked that boy, but my brother thought he was being very clever. 


 The incident about the sale of the parakeet had to be kept a top secret from my mother.  My elder brother had told me specifically that if I ever let the cat out of the bag, he would hit me out of my skin.  Ah, the usual threat but he would not dare, I mocked at him.  He knew he had too many shortcomings that he would not like anymore to annoy my parents.  He tried to bribe me and I demanded one of those syrupy ‘ ice balls’ he would often buy on the way back from school. 


However, my brother could not keep his mischief under control for long.  One day, for no reason or rhyme at all, he irritated me to the extreme. He made scream at him all kinds of names I could think of and feeling defeat, I blurted out the secret that was so well kept for the past few weeks. 


 Unfortunately for him, my mother’s sharp ears picked up the exchange between both of us and the look on her face changed immediately.  In a serious, nonsensical voice she reprimanded my brother and told him to return the three dollars to the Malay boy.

A few weeks passed with the incident totally forgotten.


  One evening, I saw the same Malay boy cycling towards our house.  Quickly, I signalled to my brother who was lazing on the floor of the living room, of his arrival.  As swift as a deer, he got up and ran into the bedroom to hide.  When the boy came up to the door of our house, he spoke in Malay.  I could not understand a single word and I was a little mad at him because he spoke no other language that I could understand.  Using sign language, I knew he wanted to show off his bird which had by then grown its tail again. I could hardly recognise it myself.  Its new owner had fixed one end of a metal chain which was about a foot long at its leg and the other end was fixed to a T-shaped bamboo stand, cleverly made with a handle to hold. It looked happy and would not give me a look when I called out its name.  I called it “Chit-chit” when it first joined our family.

 A few moments later, my brother appeared, pretending to stifle a yawn and pretending that he had just woke up from his nap. They began to speak amicably which told me that there was no more anger from the Malay boy.  He must have forgiven my brother after all “Chit-chit” did gave him much happiness during the past few weeks.

A Parakeet, a Broken Tail and Trickery

My elder brother would be out of the house once the sun has risen from the eastern sky.  He hardly brushed his teeth and I could not remember if he had ever taken any breakfast before going out.  My mother was often worried about his whereabouts which he never disclosed and even if he did, it was not always the truth.  Being the only son, he knew how much he had been dote upon by both my mother and grandma.  My father, on the other hand, was cold to both of us but deep down in my heart, I knew he had just wanted to put on such a front so that we would be fearful of him and would keep out of trouble. 


 However, my brother was not one to be fearful of anybody.  If at all he was home, he would make me cry by his teasing and annoying antics.  The only way for me to take revenge was to call him all sorts of names that were within my vocabulary.  He was too agile for me to catch up with him and too strong for me to give a good fight.

There was one place that my brother frequented at some point with a few of the neighbourhood boys.  I happened to be around when they were chatting about it and having known about it, it brought much misery to my life because I had to keep it a top secret.  Many times I intended to break this promise especially when my brother had irritated me to the extreme.  Letting out the secret meant offence done not only to my brother but to the whole group of burly looking boys and I was intimidated by them.

 It was the foothills of Gunung Lambak, a mountain about less than 1000 feet in height.  Over there, the boys were trying to catch some parakeets found to be nesting in that area.  These birds were of bright green and red in colours.  After hours of bird watching and setting traps, the boys managed to catch a couple of these birds.  My brother brought home one. 


 My mother saw it but could not open her mouth to scold him because she, herself was fascinated by it.  She even helped him get a cage to put the lovely bird.  Together I saw them making the bird feel at home.  Although my mother was very worried about my brother spending time bird watching in the jungle with his friends, there was not much she could do actually.  She had to take the ‘soft approach’ towards tackling the problem.  Her first step was to allow him have this hobby, hoping that it could keep him at home.  However, her hopes were soon dashed.

One late afternoon my brother came rushing home to his bird cage, startling almost everyone; even my father was awakened from his nap.  There was a lot of commotion as he tried to retrieve the equally surprised bird from the cage.  As the bird flew away from his grasp, it squawked and flapped so hard that some feathers dropped off. 


 Suddenly there was a loud shout from my brother which made me run towards him to see what was going on.  Normally I was clever not to meddle with his affairs but I just could not control my curiosity.  I saw that he had successfully got hold of the bird in his right hand, but what caught my eyes was something in his left hand which looked very familiar. 


It was the tail of the parakeet. It might have been accidentally broken off due to his rough handling. My brother looked devastated; he looked as if the sky had fallen down. I jeered at his carelessness.  He was so mad that he shouted at me and this made my mother come out of the bedroom to investigate what the noise was.


 Feeling as sad as my brother, she consoled him by saying that it would soon grow back and told him to leave the bird alone. Birds or chickens are not to be held in the hands for too long because they will feel overheated, my mother added. 

Disobedience and Nightmares

As I recalled the occasions when my stubbornness had the better of me, I could not help flashing back on one. I was reminded of the morning when my sister and I had to be at the mortuary of  General Hospital where my mother’s lifeless body laid awaiting some preliminary funeral rites. 

 My mother’s good friends were gathered to help my sister out with the putting on of special clothes for my mother.  As I knelt by my mother’s already stiff and cold body, my sister and her friends put on four sets of clothes for her, layer by layer. (The number four as pronounced in Mandarin ‘si’ which also sounds like ‘death’ is significant here when all things followed the same number, including the number of times a knot is to be tied!)


  While doing so, they would chant something and her limbs would become flexible to allow them to do their work.  I was forewarned not to open my eyes during the procedures but just to kneel down quietly. Now and then, I was instructed to call out to my mother as if to inform her I was by her side when all these were happening.

However, my curiosity was too much to control, so I lifted my eyelids a little to steal a look.  In the end I witnessed everything, from the dressing up of my mother’s dead body to the closing up of the coffin’s lid.  I saw how a few men heaved the heavy coffin out the room and on to a lorry outside the mortuary.  My disobedience was not let off because soon enough I was punished. 


 That night and several nights after that, I had the strangest nightmares, the sort that I dared not reveal to others lest they thought I was mentally disturbed or the like.  I dreamt that my dead mother came back to life and insisted that she was still alive when they hammered down the coffin’s lid.  Horror of horrors, I thought to myself, that could not be and I reasoned out the impossibility. 


 Why are dreams always so stupid, I remember saying.   


When I was a young adult, I realised that there was a good reason for not allowing a young child to witness the preliminary funeral rites as the ones mentioned.  My mother’s friends were afraid that I would not be able to accept the fact that my mother was suddenly dead.

Nonetheless, I refused to link the disobedience then, to the unfavourable ‘feng shui’ I have experienced in any other times of my life.

VIPs' LUNCH, FRIED MEATBALLS and SWEET TALK

News that my youngest uncle’s prospective wife and her family were coming to pay us a visit caused such a stir that even I who was not expected to know anything was affected to a certain extent. 


 Innocent of being in their way or of shifting the furniture away from the recently changed position, I was unjustifiably shoved off to play or to stay out of the house as much as possible.  Even when I was indoors my movements were restricted, certain parts of the house had became inaccessible. 


That had aroused my curiosity a great deal and many times, I tried to snoop around but was caught by my ‘always on the alert’ grandma.  She knew that both my elder brother and I would not give her peace, especially my crafty brother who always had eyes for her cookies that were secretly hidden in a corner of her bedroom. How did she know that I was assigned by my brother to snoop for him?


 As my mother and grandma busied themselves to clean up the house, both my brother and I were constantly reminded to have our feet cleaned before coming into the house. I was told not to rummage the cupboard in the bedroom for any specific clothes because my mother had been made tired by her endless effort of stacking them neatly.  


Every part of the house was ensured of its neatness and cleanliness lest the ladies in the house be ashamed by the long nosed visitors. Ah Peng and her siblings were kept out of bounds by the scowling look of my grandma.  At one time, one of Ah Peng’s younger brothers was so slow in running away from the veranda of my house that he nearly fell when my grandma wielded her broomstick to scare him away.   I was very upset about her behaviour although I knew she had not meant to do any harm to the poor boy.

Ah Peng grew very angry at me after her several unsuccessful attempts to lure me out of the house to play. The bustling in the house was too great an attraction for me to leave it.  The different aromas coming out from the kitchen made my mouth drool and my stomach was groaning so loudly that I was sure anybody near me could have heard it very clearly. 


 I tried to make myself useful, bringing the elderly ladies this and that.  Now and then, when there was tasting of any food I too would want a share.  When my brother pretended to come into the kitchen for something, he would, with his quick hands, pop some food into his mouth and run off. 


 My mother would be so confused about the number of spring rolls she had just counted that she thought she was getting old and had poor memory.  My grandma was heard grumbling about one of the ‘cookie’ containers not being closed tight enough.  She suspected that my brother had got his hands on the cookies and she was afraid that he might finish them before the guests had even arrived.


  The fried meatballs made everyone’s mouth drooled.  Its aroma must have drifted far because it brought back my elder brother from ‘who knows where he has gone’ to see what was cooking in the kitchen.  As he stood in front the big bowl of hot fried meatballs, he ‘sang’ praises of my grandma’s cooking.  My grandma was swooped off her feet by his sweet talk and offered him one to taste. 


 Pretending to be satisfied, he dragged his feet to leave the kitchen but not without pocketing another one when my grandma’s back was turned.  I was quick to imitate him and as fast as lightning, I popped one into my mouth and another, when none of the ladies was looking.


 The heat scalded my tongue a little and I was huffing and puffing some air to cool it before chewing. I was careful not to let them roll off my mouth due to the fact they were so very hard to obtain and that they were extremely delicious.   I could not open my mouth to speak when my mother asked me a question.   I had to run off to finish eating the meatballs before I dared to remain in the kitchen any longer.  Indeed they were delicious!