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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Aching Heart, No Way Out?

She is not the breadwinner, that is what the whole world thinks and probably says.  She is mostly confined to her home. That pleases her husband alot, though it is not her intention to She hardly bothers about him these days; it is not worth her energy to.  She will never be appreciated and on the contrary, which she had recently discovered, he is even suspicious.
What is annoying her recently is she is expected as before to contribute to the family's spending even though she is no more in the workforce, much to his 'credit'. When she was working a nine to five job, she was not supposed to work overtime, not even overstaying at the office for more than half an hour. At the end of every working day, on the dot at five, she was expected to leave the office to wait for him  to come and pick her from work so that she could go home quickly to cook dinner for the others in the family. It was awfully embarassing as she would leave the desk at the same time the boss would leave, sometimes a little earlier.
 Why overtime? Are you paid for it?  I don't understand what you are doing in the office the whole eight hours and still got to work overime.  I think it is an excuse.  You mean I am trying to avoid having to cook dinner. Oh, I won't be so bold as to have somebody else to cook my dinner.  I am no queen.  Others can be the queens or princesses but not me.  I am a cheapskate.  Oh no, that is not what I mean. Don't you go picking a quarrel with me.  No, I am just joking.  No, you are not the type that joke.  The squabbling went on.  She was already tired after her  office work.  She didn't understand why her husband could go on arguing with her, not being a gentleman at all.  She wondered why he had so much energy. Didn't he work today? She hadn't time for all this nonsense at all.  She rushed off to cook in the kitchen.
Damn!  They didn't take the meat out for thawing.  It was already seven.  Dinner's at eight.  She took the chopper and with a heave, she split the slab of meat into two, then into fours and finally into eights.  No  more time to cut into smaller pieces.  With 'superwoman' speed and strength she managed to cook rice and three dishes for a family of eight adults.  By the time she bathed, changed into home clothes and came down for dinner, the food that she had prepared was almost gone.  She was left with a few leaves of choy sum out the whole plate of them, two broken off pieces of meat and a few shreds of beans, enough for her to eat with a half bowl of rice.  She kept her cool. Nobody apologised,and everybody seemed oblivious of the fact she hadn't eaten yet or she was the one who cooked except the mother-in-law and husband. Does she want to make a fuss? No, she remembered what her father taught her.  Tolerance.  Harmony in the family.
Now, she understand why her father loves her more. She was always the one giving.
 They are renovating the house.  He is paying for the paint, he says.  About the brickwall, how would you like it to be? Draw me the picture.  Oh, for this, we have to do this and that,but  she was not interested as to how he is going to do it. She won't understand what je is telling her. Surely that isn't what he meant for her to listen literally.  He is implying the costs involved.  He is hoping that she will pay for it.  Closed topic.  They will just forget about making the brickwall.  She is not the one working now but she is expected to pay for many things.  She wishes she can get away from all these. From having to bear the burden.  When she was earning a stable income, he had to spoil it by saying all the bad things.  He even said that those who work overtime in the office were taking opportunities to have office romances, touching each other when everybody has left the office.  How could you think like this?  You mean to say that all office workers who work overtime are such lowly people? How could you have such dirty thoughts? So, only people who works from home are virtuous people? Many epsiodes of senseless jealousies recurred.  Involvement of the 'tall order', namely mother-in-law, left her weak in defense till she gave up totally.  She might as well join the many unemployed, and soon enough, she was being categorised as 'stupid' , 'you don't know anything' or 'you can't do anything right'.  Now they are satisified.  Insecured people hate your successes, that is all I can say about them.  Don't mind them.  Just focus on God and doing right.

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