Compassion

Sunita had just come  from Timur, one of the many islands of the Indonesian Archipelago.  She was to work for Margaret who owned a beauty saloon in Kuala Lumpur.  On arrival at Margaret's bungalow in the suburbs of the city, she was given a tour around the house and its compound.  She  could not understand half of what her new employer was telling her.  Most of the time she would smile and Margaret would just rattle on not knowing the young girl of sixteen was almost dozing off as she staggered along behind her.
Finally the session ended and her employer pointed to the bathroom, handing to her a big towel which she understood was that she wanted her to take a bath and as Margaret tugged at her blouse, she also understood that she wanted her to change her clothes as well.  At that moment, the not very smart Sunita could guess her new employer was very fussy about being clean.  At first, Sunita was glad that she could live in such a clean and safe environment.  She had not minded working there because back in Timur, she had to do farming.  She had to toil in the muddy fields under the rain and sun.  Just after her bath, Margaret beckoned her to go into the kitchen.  In the sink were many plates, bowls, glasses and cups to be washed.  When Sunita set to wash the plates, she could see that Margaret was standing beside her to watch.  Just as she was about to put the dish washing liquid on  one of the plates, she heard Margaret shouting at her. No, no.  You don't do it that way.  You are going to waste a lot of my money if you use the dish washing liquid like that.
As Margaret grabbed the bottle of dish washing liquid from her, Sunita could feel a  sharp pain as Margaret's long nails dug into her flesh.  Her new employer was such a rough person.  She was shoved away and Sunita nearly fell.  Margaret was really mad that her new maid could not do the simplest thing right. She was really mad at the maid agency for cheating her.  That was not the first time.  Every time the agency would come out with some clever excuses.  Margaret was upset because she felt hopeless caught in such a situation.  She started to grumble.  I asked for a trained maid and they said they are giving me one.  You call yourself trained?  Who taught you to use the dish washing liquid like that. Don't you know how to dilute it first?  Do you realise how much I am paying for you each day?  So, don't expect me to give you good food to eat.  You are very fortunate to be living in this house.  Back in your village, you are living in a dirty shed. 
After Sunita had done her washing, Margaret told her to eat up the food that was put in a bowl.  It was leftover rice and soup.  Eat up and don't waste.  This soup has a lot of goodness.  Don't think it is poor food that I am giving you.  You will sleep over there.  There is a mat, a pillow and a blanket.  You can use that space in that cupboard to put your things.  Don't mess up the room because sometimes when I have guests over, they will use the room. Until then, I will see where you will sleep.  Margaret did not understand why these maids who had come from such poor countries would not show the least appreciation at all.  All they knew was to rebel once they were being scolded for mistakes made instead of positively improving themselves.  Each time it got worse after they were reprimanded. 


 Poor Sunita!  This is worse than Timur, she thought. Back home, she had more than plain rice and bland soup.  She had a little room to herself in the broken down hut her father had built.  That night Sunita cried herself to sleep.  It is this kind of mentality that made them 'difficult' maids. 


Now, Margaret was not rich all the time.  She, too, had come from a poor family who had lived in a hut and had to go hungry sometimes.  Her parents were always quarelling over money matters.  She had to come out to the city to work when she was sixteen too. She had  good luck for she had met kind people who helped her along the way. Later, she married a rich husband and that was how she gained most of her wealth.  She often compared herself with these young girls who had come from the countryside to the city to work.  They have such bad attitudes.


It is not always the case that if you were impoverished before, you will be able to be more appreciative of a better environment or  situation. There are some people who have such bad attitudes that however better life they were given, there is always a complain or two. A Malay saying that goes like this, "The colour of the hair may be similarly black, but the heart is different' best describe the dissimilarities of individuals.  Every individual has a different attitude towards one same situation.

Poverty Forgotten, God Forsaken

During my last Shanghai trip, my first trip to my parents' homeland, I had the opportunity to converse with a few locals. There was this old couple with two children(one male and the other female) in their thirties.  The four of them shared with me many familiar stories of their past.  They were surprised at how much I knew about their past as I chipped in to add a few details that my father told me about.  Soon, I was accepted as one of them for they could feel how much I could understand them.  They related about the Communist past and the tough times they had gone through.  I was soon welcome to their 'club'.  To show their hospitality, they invited me to eat in their homes and we chatted as we ate.
I was happy that my father's stories had become more real.  The story about how they used to celebrate the Lunar New Year with no new clothes.  It was always the same ones for every New Year until the children had outgrown them. They would not wear the suit of clothes on any other day except for the New Year or any other grand occasion.  It was usually red or had some red colour so that it would bring the real meaning to the festive season.  They did not have any lavish meals .  However, they would be given  something extra in their rations like more rice, candies or waxed meat.  During those days, there was not much jealousy amongst them as all were the same.  No one lived a more comfortable life than another.  The old people were the ones who could compare: they could compare with the pre-Communist days, when some of them had luxurious lives.
It makes me sad to think that nowadays people are  still unsatisfied with so much they possess.  There is always wanting for more and more or for better and better.  I don't know when it is going to stop.  Seems like there is no end.  It is some kind of disease or something.  Is it an evil of consumerism, or is it a propaganda that makes people spend so that the economy will not downturn, and who can guarantee which economic theory will be able to solve the crisis, do the economists know what they are saying.  It all boils down to what  is in one's heart.  Do you really care for another individual while you try to acquire as much wealth as you desire?  Are you able to say that you never try to manipulate another individual so that you are able to get the dollars that you want?  Do they realise the danger if there is such a great disparity in wealth distribution?  Are they so intoxicated with self interests that they are not aware or not sensitive to other peoples' suffering?  Some claim that they are so right in their own faiths, but when it comes to caring, they always point to others.  This and that group people will do the work while I busy myself with accumulating my wealth or with the progress of my children's education or careers.  


There is not going to be any wealth or any career if this world is going to be in a turmoil.  Feed the people with spiritual food and there will be food for all. People with a spiritual life will have a heart for others, for the community, for the country and the world.  There will be a better perspective when leaders implement their policies, be it domestic or international.  Sounds too idealistic.  Nothing is not impossible if you believe in the Almighty who controls everything.  We plan as if we are in control but it is God who determines everything.  Believe it or not, it is still your choice.


Let's 'fast' on food, on new clothes, on window shopping, on TV,on internet and maybe we will realise how much we are missing on what God has intended for us.  You will find that you will not eat for the sake of eating, that you will still look good in the dress that you had been using the twentieth time, that the book you are reading instead of going window shopping is 'helluva' interesting and you wonder why you hadn't spent more time reading,  you will also realise why you feel more energetic than before when you would sit for hours in front of the 'silly' box  and the meaningless chat sessions you had with some of your friends you have never met before.


When we are rich, we are tempted more than when we are poor.  Therefore for those who are rich in material wealth, do not be overwhelmed and for those who are poor, do not be sad.  I prefer to be spiritually rich.

Rubber Plantations and Various Phobia

Some time around 1964, when I was about the age of six, my  father had the fortune to own about sixty acres of land , which were to be cultivated with rubber trees.  My father had wanted to plant rubber trees of a better breed, so he decided to collect seeds from nearby estates which had trees that produced good amount of latex.  Doing this would save him a lot of money because the cost of purchasing the seedlings from the nurseries would have made a big hole in his pocket. However, he would have to take the risk of being prosecuted for trespassing. There  was one estate of which the manager was kind and he trusted my father.  My father had taken the liberty of going there to pick up the fallen rubber seeds.


One early morning I could sense a lot of hustle and bustle in the house.  My eldest sister and mother were wearing 'work clothes', hats, shoes and socks, and gloves too.  My grandma was taking a big straw hat.  In a basket were bottles of drinking water and Chinese tea.  It appeared to me in an instant that they were going to work somewhere.  Mummy, I want to go.  I pleaded, not knowing they were going to bring me after all.  There was no one to babysit me. 
Of course you are going. My brother retorted.  Sleeping like a pig. Do you know how many times I called out to you!
Don't bluff.  I did not hear anything.  And stop calling me a pig!
Alright,alright, stop the squabbling.  Go and wash your face.  Drink up that cup of Milo and eat that piece of bread. You are going with us.  My mother gave me my toothbrush with toothpaste already squeezed on it , and a warm towel , as she told me gently.
Quickly, I got myself ready and as I was about to ask what clothes I should put on, I could hear that my father had already started the engine.  Everybody had got into the car and my brother was threatening to lock up the door if I did not come out quick.  I put on my slippers in a hurry and ran towards my father's car which was  already on the road waiting for me. When I got into the car, I grumbled about not having time to change my clothes.  I was angry that I had to wear my pyjamas.  My brother chided that it was all my own fault.  It would not have been like that had I woken up earlier. 
After travelling in the car for some time, my father decided to stop at a spot.  They hesitated and did not want to get down at that spot.  I heard my mother saying that they had been there before and that there were not many seeds to pick up.  I was all excited to start and was rather disappointed when they said that they were not going to get down there.  I was already feeling very bored by all the travelling in the cramped car.  Not long after that, they really stopped and they got down and separated into different directions so fast that it amazed me.  Finally, I had to tag along with my granny and she gave me a tiny gunny bag to put in my seeds.  I was very proud to be given a new task.  I started to pick up the queer looking rubber seeds. As I picked up one, I would stare at it and then compare its design with another.  I noticed that the design was always the same and the only difference was some seeds were shinier than  the others.  My granny told me to throw away those that had no shine because they were seeds that had been on the ground for a long time but could not grow  into new plants. 
I walked and walked , hopping from one spot to another to pick up the shiny rubber seeds.  I was so engrossed in my work that I did not realised I had wandered away from everybody.  Suddenly I realised that the rubber plantation was too quiet for my liking and I straightened my back to look around.  Where is everybody?  Where is granny? I thought she was right behind me but how could she just leave me without telling me?  I called out to her.  No answer.  I called out to my mother.  No answer.  I would not call out to my sister or brother because I knew that they would surely scold me.  They always thought I was a nuisance.  Suddenly the sounds in the rubber plantations seemed very loud and  I thought I heard baboons crying.  I hated those baboons and I had heard stories about how fierce they were.  A squawking sound from above the rubber trees made me jump up.  I looked up at the trees and they all looked like giants looking down on me. They never looked that evil before.  I was overwhelmed with all kinds of fears: fear for snakes that could come slithering down the trees, fear for poisonous spiders that could spin webs across my face, fear of slimming, squirming earthworms in the soil underneath my feet, fear of iguanas with long lashing tongues.   I was almost crying when I managed to call again in a quivering voice.  Mummy, mummy, where are you? 
No answer. All I could hear was the rustling of the leaves.  Why had everything turned so frightening all of a sudden?  Even the wind seemed very evil and why was it that I had not felt it a moment ago?  Granny?  Is that you?   I walked with hastened footsteps towards the direction where I thought the sound of twigs snapping came from.  Much to my relief, I saw my mother.  However, she was on the other side of a small stream.  Can I go with you?  I pleaded. 
No, just stay there.  I am almost finishing.  Wait there.
No, don't leave me.  I want to go over.  I was terrified of being left alone.
Alright, come over. Cross that fallen tree trunk there. 
I looked at the tree trunk  and I walked towards it.  I could not make myself cross it.  I was scared of falling into the water down there.  I had imagined all kind of water creatures that could live there, all of which I was extremely frightened of.  Gliding water snakes, darting water insects, sticky leeches, and even the clinging water weeds would become alive too.  I cried when I could not cross the 'bridge'. My mother lost her patience.  It was almost lunch time and every one was hungry.  She told me to wait for my sister who would be on her way. My sister came and she ran across the 'bridge' surefootedly.  I just could not understand at that moment why it was an impossible 'feat' for me when Ah Peng and my sister would not have any problem at all.  

Love was Enough

 I was as usual sulking and up to much naught to attract my mother's and granny's attention.  I had messed up some of the empty tins that my mother and granny had collected for making the "sticky gooey glutinous cake' for Chinese New Year.  I took them and made do as cooking utensils in my game of "House" with my imaginary friend. I put sand and leaves into them and pretended to cook in them.


As I was being reprimanded, I saw Ah Peng across my house.  She had walked all the way from her new house with her younger sister.  I could hear her granny yelling at her, scolding her for making the trip there.  I ran out to greet her. Both of us chatted incessantly and at the end of the conversation, it was finalised that I would follow her home later.  My mother permitted me because she did not know when she could have time to bring me there.  She made me promise that I was not to go anywhere except her house.


I was truly happy that day.  As the three of us headed towards Ah Peng's house, we talked , teased and  played with each other.  There was not much traffic those days and it was very safe for us to walk on the roads.  It was a long walk and I half wished that I had not wanted to come.  I kept on asking Ah Peng and her sister whether their house was near yet and they kept pulling my legs.  I was very angry at one point when they played a trick on me.  At a junction, there was a small convenience store at which Ah Peng pulled a trick on me.  She made me believe that it was her father's store and the extended back portion was her  home.  She made me run towards it and because I was so tired , I wanted to quickly find a place to sit down.  When I reached the shop, I saw an unfamiliar scowling face.  The man at the store asked if I wanted to buy something and he looked so fierce that I was too scared to speak.  I could hear the two girls laughing behind me. 


If you make fun of me, I am going to walk home now, by myself.  I don't want ever to come to your house again.  Seeing that I was hurt, the two girls quickly apologised and suggested to race to their house which was within sight.  I was very happy to see it.  Finally we were in the house, panting breathlessly after running up the slope. Don't bother to take off your slippers, Ah Peng said as I was about to remove my slippers.  At that point I realised that the floor was the same as the ground outside except that it was drier, more compact and smoother.  I felt odd because  I would definitely  be scolded by Ah Peng's granny if she ever spotted my dirty feet  when I was in her house .   Ah Peng announced that she was going to cook dinner.  Very cleverly, she measured the amount of rice she needed to cook and she poured into the big pot the measured amount, washed  and then  put  the pot over the fire which she had very quickly made in the very primitive looking stove.  I observed how she had made the fire.  I was full of admiration for her.  It was no wonder my mother used to sing praises of her.  My mum used to say that I could not measure up to her.  She was seven and could do many household chores.  When the pot of rice was boiling, she took out some of the burning wood and put into another hole of the concrete fire place(stove) and over this fire, she placed a wok.  After that she closed with a lid  the pot of rice, which had stopped boiling but instead it was just simmering, and told me that in a while, the rice would be ready.  How clever! I tagged along with her as I observed her ' performing her feats'. The wok was getting hot and Ah Peng summoned me to get seven eggs from the basket nearby.  Quick, quick, she said and I darted to the basket to get the eggs, hoping to be as useful as I could be.  Ah Peng started to fry all seven of the eggs and after they were done, she poured some soy sauce on them. 


The girls announced that they were going to take their baths.  Do I want to follow them?  Where?  I asked.  They brought me to the front of their house and pointed to somewhere below their house.  I saw a pond and a well nearby.  How?  I asked again. They explained and as they did so, they tried to control their giggles.  What?  You mean, I had to bathe there semi-naked.  Out there in the open, where there may be someone passing by any time. No, I said as I surveyed the place and I could see there was always someone walking past the place.  Don't you have a bathroom? Where do your mummy and daddy bathe?  Oh yes, of course we have one but it is so troublesome to carry water in the pail and climb up here.  Sorry, I am not going to bathe there.  It is okay, I will bathe when I get home.  Just as I said that, Ah Peng's mother came in and she was happy to see me.  Oh , no, how can you go to bed without taking a bath?  Ah Peng, go and carry a pail of water for your friend and put it in the bathroom. 
Ah Peng obeyed her mother.  She took a big pail and went down to the well.  I saw her taking water from the well and filling up the big pail with water.  She was a genius, and what really moved me that day was Ah Peng carried that heavy pail of water from all the way down there to the bathroom.  At some points she almost slipped and fell but tough as she was, she just laughed it off.  I felt so uneasy to see her struggle with that pail of water.  As I washed myself with the water Ah Peng had carried for me, I felt so sorry for Ah Peng.  I never had to do such difficult tasks and even though the water was very cold, I did not dare breathe a word about it.


While I was having my bath in the makeshift bathroom which had a lot of gaps and holes, I could hear the two girls squealing and laughing from the well.  They seemed to be having a lot of fun.  When I was dressed into one of Ah Peng's pyjamas, there was laughter again and the other siblings who were back from work or neighbours' houses  were already busy preparing themselves for dinner.  Ah Peng's brother was getting the kerosene lamp ready and her mother was busy cooking some more dishes.  She was happy that Ah Peng had got the rice cooked and the eggs fried.  I saw on the table that Ah Peng had prepared my bowl of rice and her mother told us to start eating.  Though the dishes were simple, consisting of fried eggs, fried long beans and fried 'choy sam', it was the most delicious meal I ever had.  After dinner, we sat on the mats laid on the floor.  Now and then, I could see a gecko or two running across the floor but I tried not to show my fear of the animals.  There was also the croaking of frogs in full gusto from the pond down the slope and the sound was so loud that night that Ah Peng's mother was very sure that it was going to rain.  True enough, it rained cats and dogs that night.  Ah Peng and her siblings ran to the kitchen all together as if cast by a spell.  I was baffled but soon realised that they were running to get some pots and pans to collect water that was dripping from certain parts of the roof.  Soon, there was an orchestra producing the strangest piece of music I had ever heard.  Very tactfully, I sat down without making a fuss, hoping they had not noticed my very surprised look. 
We proceeded to play a game of 'Shadows'.  We used our fingers and hands to form shapes of animals-the usual dog, rabbit, bird or snake shapes, laughing hysterically as we played.  Ah Peng's mother had to tell us to lower our voices .  All of us had to almost shout when we talked to each other because of the loud noise the zinc roofs made as the rain beat down on them. I noticed Ah Peng's father and two elder brothers were not back yet.  Ah Peng told me that they had to work outstation and would be back only at the end of the week.  We were told not to drink too much water before we went to sleep.  Nobody liked getting up in the middle of the dark night to go to the toilet.  It was pitch black outside.  Everybody had to go to bed early.  We continued to talk as we laid on the bed and before long, one after another fell asleep in the quietness and darkness.

Loneliness

The worst experience that I had when I was a child of five or six years was when I had to stay at home with adults only, who would not bother to entertain you but just shooed you away like you were a 'pest' of some sort.  It was an agony when you had to walk up and down the aisle of the old fashioned house of a Chinese immigrant, pretending you had an imaginary friend to accompany you as you did that,' playing with' (actually it was leaning on) the thick cardboard partitions that divided the house into cubicles called 'bedrooms'. (I had caused one of them to collapse, much to the annoyance of my mother.)  Sometimes I would mumble to my 'friend', in various tones depending on what mood I was pretending to be at that time. I would be so preoccupied with my 'friend' that I would not hear or notice the others around me sometimes.  I would be scolded for knocking into the very busy adults or could not hear them when they asked for help.
It was a period when every family in the neighbourhood was in a competition called 'Shifting House'.  It had seemed like every one was moving away and Ah Peng was one of them.  I was broken hearted when I knew about it and Ah Peng had grown so 'remote'.  Each time when I saw her at the corner of my eyes, I could see that she did not bother to look over at my house, what more to drop by to say 'hello'.  I was indeed very sad and I did not understand why she had acted like that.  Many years later, she told me that her family was going through a 'crisis' and had to move out of her granny's house.  The 'crisis' was that her youngest uncle was going to marry and her granny wanted her father to shift to their own house as their family was getting too big.  Ah Peng had seven siblings.  She was the fourth in the family.  Her father had long ago got himself a piece of land but had not the money to build the house.  Then, he and his wife had to work doubly hard to save the money to build it.  Being the eldest son, it was very hard on him especially when he had so many children.


My feelings were all mixed up then.  I was sad and at the same time, I was jealous too.  Why, mummy, why aren't we moving house too?  I was jealous that Ah Lui and Ah Peng were going to be neighbours in their new houses.  And those two brothers down the lane were going there too.  There was much excitement as they talked about their new neighbourhood.  I felt left out and when my brother came home with tales about the new neighbourhood , it made me even more curious.  I demanded that my mother bring there immediately.  No, dear, it is not within walking distance.  Wait, wait till Ah Peng's mother invite us and we can go there for tea.  We can't just go like that.  They will think I am just being a busybody! Remember don't over stay, and  say 'No' when they ask you to stay overnight. Why can't I stay overnight?  Because you will not get used to staying there.  There is no tap water and  no electricity.  You have to go to a well to get  water for your bath  and you can't do that. You don't know how.
That made me yearn even more.  I wanted so badly to go to Ah Peng's house.  Day in and day out I was thinking of all kinds of ways to get there.  I had a rough idea where it was  situated,according to my brother's description.  I had imagined myself walking down this road and that road, and I had even imagined myself reaching Ah Peng's house.  Ah Peng was at the door of her house(the house of my own imagination , based on my brother's description) and she was happy to show me her bathroom, the well and everything.

Uncertainty

News that the Japanese were near, brought terror and everyone's face was down fallen that morning. The radio announced that Southern IndoChina was being taken over , and very quickly ,people were already at Ah Hia's provision shop queueing up to buy rice, canned food and other dry foodstuffs. Ah Hia's wife and his eldest son, who were rarely seen at the shop , were busy that morning helping out. There was much haggling as prices of commodities had gone up. Stocks were also running out and as a result, there was much pushing and shoving around. Ah Hia's wife, in a shrill voice, reprimanded some of the men as if she was a headmistress scolding a bunch of naughty boys. She threatened not to sell them a single item if they did not wait for their turns and sheepishly, those grown-ups lined up in an instant, one behind another.

Sang's wife and mother were indeed thankful that they had the cash to get what they needed. They did not buy very much though as they were still uncertain about many things. The last time they left China had them giving away many things they could not bring along with them. As Berapit Village was far away from Penang , the possible entry point if there was to be an invasion, they felt somehow safer but nobody could exactly tell what was going to happen at that moment.

Sang's mother prayed that they would not have to move away. Even if food supplies had run dry, she could still rely on the tapioca, sweet potatoes or vegetables that she had planted on the plot beside her house. She had specifically instructed her daughter-in-law to cook sweet potatoes together with the rice so as the rice could be eaten for a longer period. They were afraid that one day they would have no more rice to eat. True enough, when the Japanese made their way into Malaya through Kota Bahru and then Penang, the country was in a state of emergency. Even one who had swaps of money could not buy anything without having to go into much trouble,  as most shops were closed for business. The only way was to buy from someone who was willing to sell at a very high price. An enterprising man made lots of money hoarding foodstuffs and selling them later at exorbitant prices. However, his wealth soon vanished as the Japanese invaded his house and took all the British notes away, only to turn them into ashes! It was later discovered that his life was also taken that very day.

Now, rice cooked with sweet potatoes was often cooked even after the war. It was at first queer to eat rice in this manner and Sang's younger brothers refused to down the porridge with the sweet potatoes in it. After a few meals of going hungry because of their stubborness, they finally had to give in. Not long, they had developed the taste for it and had grown to love it very much. After the war, they would often request rice to be cooked this way!
　

Japanese Invasion

The year was 1937 and at that time, newcomers from Southern China often brought tragic news of what was happening in the Northern region especially Manchuria. Suddenly, the other states located in the south became more populated with the northerners. Scraping for a living was already hard and now they had to share a piece their cake with the notherners. Fights, quarrels and a lot of bullying by locals towards the newcomers were often seen. The well-built and stronger northerners were not to be intimidated. Situation back in mainland China was really bad and that was why more and more left to come to Malaya, Borneo or Indonesia.

News of the invasion of Nanjing by Japanese soldiers were on everyone's lips. Sang's mother was using the rosary more than usual. Her eyes had the distant look and his young wife was not any better. Apparently she was in such a daze that many times he saw her walking in and out of the house forgetting this and that. At one time she even added salt to his cup of coffee.
Yes, every Chinese man and woman who had members of the family in China was worried. Some of them had already started to come over. The other day Sang saw some fresh faces from Penang island and they must have just disembarked from the junk from Canton. They were still wearing the familiar looking attire worn by the mainland Chinese. They, like Sang and his family, had taken the cheaper goods junk to travel to Malaya. They all stayed at the lower level of the ship where bags of rice and other dry stuffs from China were kept. All the men, women and children stayed together. They did not stay in separate cabins, only the crew and the captain did. The only difference was Sang's father and his family had run away from Communist rule.
A few years passed by with news that did not get any better.The massacre of Nanjing was still in every one's mind. The atrocities of the Japanese done towards the Chinese rang horror in every Chinese ear. There were speculations of the Japanese intentions to invade Singapura and Malaya as well. It was bad news. Sang's business was at the point of improving day by day, and now, this had to happen. As if with intuition that they might not live long, many Chinese were more willing to spend a little money to buy pork. Better enjoy now than to be killed and die hungry. Not wanting to be a 'hungry ghost' was the joke amidst hard times like this.